haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
The beer is more important than you right now.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
