Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
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