It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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