From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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