Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
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