8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Randomize
