I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
My life is pants optional.
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