I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
