Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
