I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
This girl is more easily done than said...
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize
