Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
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