The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Randomize
