youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
