Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Randomize
