Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
