I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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