Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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