Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
