Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Randomize
