My first STD was from a foam party
He kissed a someone with a penis
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
