the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Randomize
