i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
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