Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
Randomize
