It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
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