He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
