I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Randomize
