Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Randomize
