thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
