Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
