If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
