It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
