Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Randomize
