did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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