It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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