I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
