i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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