From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
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