i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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