after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
