Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Randomize
