Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
