I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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