Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize
