There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Randomize
