I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
how drunk are you?
Several
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Randomize
