dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
I wish i was in the wii world.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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