no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Randomize
