I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
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