You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
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