What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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